Ring Ring Ring Bananaphobe

My Dearest Starbucks,

I love you. Let's just get that out of the way first: I honestly love you. I love your coffee. I love my Starbucks Portland mug, a keepsake from my hometown. It's my go-to, my favorite, the one mug I'll wash to use even though there are a dozen others clean in the cupboard. If you're curious, it's from the Skyline Series, the "City of Roses" 18oz mug, which I've owned for over a decade. My favorite coffee drink, the Pumpkin Spice Latte, is so beloved in my heart of coffee hearts that the day it becomes available each year is like my very own special kind of Christmas.

So, now, at this point we're clear on how I feel, right? You know I love you. Thus, dear Bux - can I call you Bux? - I feel sure you will take this carefrontation letter in the spirit in which it is intended. Yes? Okay.

Here's the thing: Your baked goods should be awesome and delicious, but they are not. They're kind of gross, and it's because of the whole display case situation you've got going on.

the contaminated cookie bag

Don't get me wrong; the display case is always a perfectly lovely well-lit presentation offering a tantalizing view of pretty muffins, brownies, crisped rice treats, scones, cake pops, and assorted other goodies. All of these goodies hanging around together in the same open air space as the Banana Walnut Bread is the problem. Why? Well, Bux, I'm glad you asked!

You see, while banana walnut bread should indeed and does taste like banana walnut bread, double chocolate brownies should most definitely not. Iced Lemon Pound Cake also should not taste like bananas, but it does. In fact, I've noticed over and over again that anything and everything coming out of the bakery case tastes like bananas. Cinnamon Chip Scones taste like cinnamon, and chips, and scones... and bananas. Cheese Danishes taste like cheese! Aaaand bananas. Today, I bought an enormous, gorgeous, enormously gorgeous, Chocolate Chunk Cookie, and lo! Neither chocolatey NOR cookie-ey, but it sure did taste like bananas!

The solution, I think, is a simple one, and won't require any new equipment or menu alterations. You know those clear covered dishes you guys use for offering free samples? Stick your banana walnut bread in one o'those bad boys and then but the whole business in the display case.

Bam. Problem solved!

Bux, I believe speak for banana-hating-bakery-goodies-loving Starbucks customers everywhere when I say I want to give you more of my moneydollars, but you're not making it very easy. I'll happily give you more of my hard-earned disposable income for a pastry when I buy a coffee... but I just can't do it again until you get a handle on this banana contamination problem. Because Bux, it is really super gross.

Thank you for your prompt attention to this matter.

Jen Bailey Bergen
Bananaphobe

S'mores Casserole

Behold! The Casserole of S'mores!



So good it should be illegal
I first tasted this amazing recipe of delicious wonderfulness when a friend brought it to a potluck a few years ago, and I've made it at least a hundred times since then. I've given it as a thank you gift, included it in my holiday baking for friends and neighbors, and last night I made it in lieu of birthday cake by request of the birthday boy himself. Since I was already making a batch for him (using local products such as Adluh Flour, of course), I doubled the recipe and plan to bring a plate of individually wrapped bars to CJ's swim meet tonight to raise funds for our team, the Edenwood Seamonkeys.

This yummy goodness is known by many names: We've called it "mouth heroin", "mouth crack", "breakfast", "lunch", "dinner", and eventually we settled on "s'mores casserole", because Tracy is a genius and as such decreed that if it comes in a casserole dish, it can be eaten as a meal. The original recipe, however, is called S’more Cookie Bars, and was originally published by Nicole Weston of BakingBites.com in 2007.

The Greatest Pumpkin Bread Recipe In The Whole Wide World

Pumpkin. I love it. I love pumpkin spice lattes. K-cups. Hershey's pumpkin pie kisses. Pumpkin, pumpkin, pumpkin... except I don't like actual pumpkin pie. I KNOW! But pumpkin bread... oh, how I love thee. So now I will share with you my beloved famous pumpkin bread recipe.

Now, this is, by all accounts, The Best Pumpkin Bread Recipe Ever. No, it isn't good for you. No, that doesn't matter. Live a little!

It makes *a lot* of bread. The last batch I made yielded one 13"x9" pan and two 9" cake rounds. Tip: If you leave it naked, it's great pumpkin bread. If you frost it with cream cheese frosting? It's CAKE!

4.5 C Sugar
1.5 C oil
1 C water
6 eggs
1 Lg Can Pumpkin

Blend all ingredients

5 C Flour
3 tsp pumpkin spice (pfft - that's at a MINIMUM. I tend to go for, oh, 3 TABLESPOONS or so :)
2 tsp salt
3 tsp baking soda

Blend all ingredients. Pour into 3 full size loaf pans or 6 friendship size loaf pans. Bake at 350 degrees for 60-70 minutes.

Best if *slightly* underdone. I generally stick a long thin knife into the middle, and if it doesn't come out battery, we're good to go.

Weekend Cookery

As I mentioned on Twitter (and thus Facebook), I often spend a fair amount of time cooking on the weekends.

I do this because a) that's when I have the time, and b) it helps keep the weekday bitching-at-mom to a minimum. Don't get me wrong, the kids are still going to bitch, because that's what they do, but yeah - a minimum.

There are three things I typically make during weekend cookery: Waffles, muffins, and wraps. I don't really use "recipes" - mostly I just throw things together and hope for the best - but I'm going to do my best to explain these concoctions in "recipe form" for you now. Ready?

Waffles

Bisquick "Heart Smart" low-fat baking mix

Nonfat or 1% milk

Eggs

Protein powder (23g per scoop, please, and vanilla whey is great)

Nonstick spray

Waffle iron (I got mine for $3 at the Goodwill)

Here's where I'm going to upset the But How Much of What People: I don't know how much of what. Sorry. I dump a bunch of Bisquick into a bowl (3/4 of the box, or maybe more), add six or seven scoops of protein powder, two or three eggs, and then enough milk to make it into an acceptable batter. Use the waffle iron and nonstick spray as directed.

Once I've turned all the batter into waffles, I bag them two-by-two in ziptop bags and stash them in the freezer. They can be toasted or microwaved, and best of all: The people I live with can accomplish the toasting or microwaving themselves! Okay, the real best part is that the kids are all do ya like waffles yeah we like waffles! Because waffles are exciting! And full of carbs! Which seems to be the criteria by which all foods are judged if your name happens to rhyme with Schmee Shay - when really they SEEM like carb-bombs but they're high protein and served with sugar-free Maple Syrup Flavor Product. Because that's how I roll.

Muffins

1 box Pillsbury "Moist Supreme" Reduced Sugar cake mix (Devil's food)

1 15oz can Libby's pumpkin (not pie mix)

Nonstick spray

Muffin tin

That right there is the basic recipe. Actually, the Real Basic Recipe uses regular cake mix, but I prefer the low-sugar, so there. So yeah. Mix those two ingredients together, fill muffin tins 3/4 full, bake for 20 minutes at 350. I modify that recipe as follows:

2 boxen above noted cake mix

1 large or 2 15oz can(s) of Libby's pumpkin

1/2 cup sifted dark cocoa powder (unsweetened)

Protein powder (23g per scoop, this time I use chocolate flavor)

1/2 c mini chocolate chips

2/3c hot water

I mix the pumpkin, water, and the dry ingredients, then fold in the mini chocolate chips. Bake at 350 for 25 minutes - this makes 22-24 hefty muffins, which should be cooled completely before storage (sidebar: I have this green-handled ice cream scoop I got from Sam's Club which is the PERFECT muffin batter scoop. I have no idea what the ounce measurement is.) Look! Again with the high protein, and this time vitamin A, too! The kids are all "ooh ooh can we have a MUFFIN?!" and I'm like "oh... okay... I guess..." and then I do a little mom-touchdown victory dance when they're not looking.

Both of the recipes above are very forgiving and modify well with all kinds of substitutions. I've added ground flax meal, soy flour, Egg Beaters, and various other things with no real change in quality.

Meredith's Must-have Wrap

1 La Banderita Fat Free Tortilla

1 T Philadelphia Garden Vegetable Cream Cheese

1 T Hormel "Real Crumbled Bacon"

Diced tomato

Fresh spinach

Spread the cream cheese on the tortilla. Sprinkle with the "bacon". Add tomato and spinach to your liking, roll it up, slice it in half, wrap it in foil/plastic wrap. I make these on Sundays and they last the work/school week.

So, there you have it. This week's weekend bulk cookery. Enjoy!